


Good night and Good bye

by Randigzebra



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Cancer, Death, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Loss, M/M, Sad Ending, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2018-11-10 12:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11127105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randigzebra/pseuds/Randigzebra
Summary: If the only thing that could have kept you alive was love, you would have lived for a very long time.





	1. Good night and good bye.

**Author's Note:**

> This is me processing the fact that my cousin died from cancer and tomorrow is his funeral and I don't know how to cope so I write sad shit!  
> Not beta, probably tons of mistakes but I honestly dont care...

He was leaning against the doorframe that leads to their bedroom where his husband was laying in the enormous bed. He was so small under the big covers and pillows. His head and face was bare. His once pride and joy had been shaven of once he started with chemo not wanting to see it disappear so he shaved it of in a small attempt to remain in control of the uncontrollable situation. Their friends were sitting by his side talking about random things. Knowing their time with the genius was limited. The brown eyes locked eyes with the blue ones and Steve sends a soft smile to his husband assuring him that he was okay with waiting for his turn.

“Guys… I would like to be alone with Steve…” His voice weak and breaking so he has to catch his breath between words. One by one they hug the genius and tell him they love him and tell little inside jokes in attempt to forget for a moment that it was probably the last time they would talk to him. Pepper was the last one to hug him and place a kiss on his forehead. He tries not to listen in on the hushed conversation between the two best friends. “ _Promise to help him.._ ” His last moments were spent worrying about Steve. “ _He will never admit that he needs someone…_ ” The next part he would not have been able to hear if he was a normal person but he was far from normal. “ _Make sure he loves again_ ” Pepper just nodded before placing a last kiss onto his forehead and then they were alone in the bedroom. “Come here big guy…” Tony’s voice was soft and fragile like it would break any minute.

Steve who had never been able to say no to Tony on his best day was sure as hell not going to tell him no when their time together was limited to hours. He walks over to the bed and goes under the covers so Tony can lean on him, an arm around his now bony shoulders drawing invincible patterns onto the skin there, Tony’s head find its way under his chin. It felt good and secure, like nothing could take Tony away from him. But the thing that was taking Tony away from Steve was not an outside threat but on the inside of his body. 

Cancer. 

When he received the diagnose everything seemed like it was on Tony’s side and he would survive it, but then it came back again and again and again until Tony’s once strong body couldn’t handle it anymore and they learned that he would not survive this unless a miracle happened and Steve was willing to travel through space and time trying to find an antidote for this, to heal his husband. But Tony had looked at him with the big brown eyes and just shook his head.

_“No Steve… If I am going to die I want you by my side not far away chasing a miracle that is none existing…”_

_“But if there is a chance…”_

_“I rather spend my last time alive with my husband._ ”

So here they were. 

“I am sorry…” Tony broke the silence. Steve looked down to his husband in confusion. A small smile was playing on Tony’s lips like he was reading Steve’s mind. “For not fighting harder… for not staying around for our anniversary… for not beating this shit I guess.” That broke Steve’s heart.

“You have nothing to be sorry for love.” Steve assures him and presses his lips to Tony’s forehead. “You fought as hard as you could I know you did and I am so proud of you and I am so glad to call you my husband and you will always be my husband!” Steve assures him. “I will not find someone else Tony and you know that…” That hurt Tony because that meant that Steve would be alone for so long and Steve didn’t deserve that and he would argue if he had the energy. 

“It’s not polite to eavesdrop…” He tries but fails earning him a smile from Steve. Its silence between again and all that is heard is Tony’s heavy breathing. Nothing seemed like the right thing to say in a moment like this. 

“Steve?” He questions.

“Yes Tony?”

“I love you and I will always love you.” He promises the blonde. 

“And I love you and will always love you.” He echoes. He turns around so he can kiss Tony on the mouth one last time.

“I am going to take a nap okay?” Tony mutters and gets more comfortable on Steve’s chest and Steve just tightens his grip around his small frame.

“You do that babe and I will be right here when you wake up.” He promises and he can feel Tony’s dry lips against his neck in a soft kiss and it doesn’t take long before the brunette’s breathings evens out and he is asleep.  
Steve doesn’t know how long he sits there just listing to Tony’s even breathing memorizing it until they aren’t there anymore and he knows that his husband will not wake up from his nap. 

“Good night baby… and good bye… I miss you.” He whispers into the night hoping that somewhere that Tony heard him.


	2. I miss you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life after losing your husband is tough and Steve doesn't know how to move on with out him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My cousin birthday was this weekend... He would have been 29 and it just got me sad and I needed to get it out.
> 
> All mistakes are my own.
> 
> Quotes are from this site:  
> https://bestwishesandquotes.com/in-memory-quotes/

_“When the days get lonely and tough, I just remind myself that I’m very lucky to have someone so extraordinary to miss.”_

There were days that were easier than others. But they were few and far in between and losing someone that close to you made easy tasks like getting out of bed in the morning near impossible. So he rarely did. Just burying him in the covers that still smelled like him and whishing it all was just a horrible nightmare. That Tony was going to be down in his workshop the next time he went down there.

But he knew that Tony wouldn’t be there. He knew he was gone and Tony would be so ashamed if he saw Steve now. But Steve just couldn’t bring himself to care. His husband was gone and Steve had a long way to go before he could join Tony. Never had he hated the super serum more.

There was a knock on his door and he just stayed quiet wanting people to leave him alone. But they hadn’t seen him and where worried along with grieving their friend. Steve really didn’t make their lives easier he knew that, he just didn’t know how to breathe without Tony by his side. Everything hurt. It just hurt so fucking much to know that Tony was the one who had to get cancer and die. When he had worked so hard to eat right and exercise and treat his body right after years of abuse.

 _“I think it karma”_ He had said once in treatment and Steve had just looked at him confused. _“I have so many innocent lives on my conscious. What goes around comes around… Isn’t that what they say?”_ Tony had tried to laugh as the chemo was being pumped into his system but Steve could see that he was terrified and in so much pain, so he had just taken Tony’s hand in his and started talking about the vacation they should take when he was declared free of his cancer.

That day never came. They never got to see the world together like they planned. There was knocking again and this time they open the door and Natasha was standing in the doorway. “You should eat something.” She states. “Then you are getting dressed and we are going to the cemetery.” It was an order he knew that. It’s quiet between the friends Steve forcing tears to stay inside wanting to be strong in front of her. But that broke the second she put her hand on his shoulder and the tears just fell and Natasha took him into her arms and let him cry on her shoulder. She rubbed his back in soothing motions in attempt to calm him down. It didn’t work but he appreciated the effort.  “It’s his birthday Steve and you always gave him flowers even though he hated it.”

“It’s not like he will know the difference…” Steve mutters instantly regretting it.

“It’s Tony. If you don’t bring him flowers he will find a way to make you suffer from the other side.” Natasha replies ignoring the bitterness in his voice. “And he loved the flowers you gave him… Didn’t matter if they came from a fancy flower shop or if you picked them in the backyard, it was from you therefore he loved it.” She smiles fondly at the memory of seeing Tony’s stupid smiles the first time Steve sent flowers to him on his birthday. He somehow from the middle of nowhere and undercover managed to send Tony a flower bouquet.

“I miss him Nat…” Steve whispers.

“It’s okay to miss him, to cry for him and even hating the world. It’s healthy it’s what you should do.” She tells him. “I miss him every day Steve we all do. But hiding up here and not even trying to heal is not healthy.” She ads softly.

“I don’t want to forget how he smelled like, how he talked or looked. What if I forget about him? I already have trouble remembering his laugh!” He is upset and hurt. The memory of his husband was slipping away from him.

“Letting go does not mean forgetting. You have so many memories, pictures and videos of the two of you together. We will never forget him. He will never be far from our thoughts. We love Tony to.” She reminds him and all he can do is nod. “So take a shower, get dressed and eat something.” She orders him again.

“Okay…” He agrees.

Reluctantly he gets out of the bed and into the shower. Letting the water run over his body and wash away some of the sorrow and pain, it still clung to his body like a second skin but it felt a bit easier. When he was done he looked over the sink where Tony’s things were still in the same place as he left them. He should put that into boxes and give away he thinks but moves his eyes away from the sink and took a towel before moving back into the bedroom and to his dresser and takes out clean clothes for the first time in months it feels like.

The hoodie he choose was the one Tony constantly stole from him and it still had the lingering smell of expensive cologne, toothpaste, detergent, metal and machine oil, scents that shouldn’t go together but mixed so well when it was on Tony’s body.

He went down to the kitchen and ate the plate of food Natasha must have left there, almost inhaling it before going to the car and start the drive to the flower shop where he would pick out flowers in different colors and shapes because he knew Tony liked that. He had asked Tony why he preferred those agreements over anything else.

_“At first you think that this not go together and it’s just a weird combo but the more you look at it and maybe move some things around you realize that it actually looks good. Things that shouldn’t go together do anyway and it reminds me of us, people that shouldn’t go together but works out anyway.”_

It was in that moment Steve knew for sure that he would marry Tony.

When he arrived at the cemetery he saw his friends waiting for him. “You didn’t all have to come…” He says as he comes closer to them.

“We know Steve. But he means a lot to us to. And he would kill us if we didn’t show up without god reason.” Clint replies earning a smile from Steve. Slowly they make their way to his grave.

He had chosen to be buried beside his parent’s.  Steve walks up and put the flowers on his grave. “I really miss you…” He says before the tears came running down his face. “I love you Tony.” For a moment the leaves rustled from a breeze in otherwise wind still day.

And maybe it was just coincidence but Steve is certain it Tony’s way of saying.

_“I miss you and I love you to…”_

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so cancer sucks...


End file.
